Friday, December 11, 2015 - Taking Very Good Care of Myself

Conversation with Micah:

Micah: How do you keep yourself from dying?

Mama: By following the rules and being safe and going to the doctor and taking care of yourself.

Mi: You need to do all of those things because I want you to live a really really long time. All the way to when I have a wife! That's a really long time!

Ma: I would like that.

Mi: And then you can be my wife!

Ma: I can't be your wife.

Mi: Why not?

Ma: Because I'm your mama. And you won't want me to be your wife anyway, you'll find someone else to be your wife.

Mi: I will be really really sad when you die.

Ma: That's okay.

Mi: Why that's okay?

Ma: Because we love each other and so we'll be sad when each other dies.

Mi: I'm going to take lots and lots of pictures of you so that I can remember how nice you are.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015 - SLEEP!

Two days ago I had really meant to post about Penelope's wonderful night of sleep. On Sunday night, she went to bed at 7pm, woke up at 3am to eat, and then slept right through until 7am. The major change was that I decided to let her have her pacifier all night and (as I suspected) she's finally old enough to be able to either hang onto it through the night, or find it and get it back in her mouth.

Monday night she went down at 7pm and I woke her up to feed her at 10pm when I went to bed, hoping it would help her make it through the night. She still woke up at 4am to eat, but still another great night of sleep.

Last night I put her down at 7pm and she SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!! She woke a little at 6am but then found her pacifier and was ready to go back to sleep. I woke her up though and fed her since I had to get ready for work and she would definitely need to eat before going to the sitter. I did not at all expect this to happen so soon. According to this blog, Micah didn't hit this milestone until he was 16 months old. Please please please let this be a new trend!

Thursday, October 9, 2015 - Perfection

I'll admit that it wasn't a perfect night. I was woken at 11pm, 12am, 1am, 2am, 3am, 5am, and got up for the day at 6am. Wow, that REALLY looks awful when I put it in print! But I am willing to say that it was a wonderful night nonetheless.

At midnight, Micah quietly walked into our room. I was tired, I just lay there. He walked right up to my side of the bed and I put my arm out, he climbed into bed and snuggled up next to me, and we just slept there for an hour with my arm around him. We have never done that, or at least not since he was an infant. I have no idea what he actually came in for. I don't know why I didn't ask him. But it was so nice to just sleep together for that hour (until he started talking in his sleep and I carried him back to his room at 1am).

Thursday, September 3, 2015 - 7 Months

Penelope is 7 months old today! I can not believe it. And last night we had what I would consider a good night's sleep. She woke up and cried at 10:30pm and then again at midnight. Both times, I went in and told her she was okay and then left, and she went back to sleep. I set an alarm for 1am and 4am and went in to feed her at those times, woke her up, fed her, put her back down. And other than that, she slept until 7:30am!

As for Micah, his current task is staying dry through the night. Unfortunately that means that many nights he is getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Not last night, I will admit, but then again, he woke up with a wet diaper.

He and I were chatting this morning and he said he wants to be someone that is a helper when he grows up. You know, like a policeman, or a fireman, or the guys who blow up rides at the fairs and stuff? He's decided on policeman, personally!

Tuesday, September 1, 2015 - Sleep, or lack thereof

We have got to work on Penelope's sleep. I think we went into her room 8 times last night, I fed her four times, put the pacifier in her mouth three times, and Michael put the pacifier in her mouth once also. In the next week, maybe even tonight, I think we're going to be getting rid of the pacifier, it's just too much of a crutch. It's kind of sad though. She looks so adorable with it, she really loves it, and I hate to take something away that is giving her so much comfort! But clearly, she is not learning to put herself back to sleep in the night and she gets so frustrated when she can find the pacifier but just can't orient it into her mouth.

In other news, Micah seems to be really expanding his vocabulary and reading comprehension. Michael has been reading some serious books to him, they've read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Prince Caspian. I read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator with him and am currently working on Dr. Doolittle. And I've noticed him asking a lot about the definitions of phrases. Yesterday, he asked what "Why not?" means. I tried to explain it to him and I think I did a good job. It turns out that he must have been mulling this over for the past month because he was asking as a result of a conversation he had with a boy at the beach when we went there several weeks ago! His memory is consistently stunning to me.

Friday, August 28, 2015 - Speech

Penelope has officially made her first word sounds, not to be confused with words that actually mean something. And the first sound is: mamamamama. Almost exactly a week ago, she started making a clicking sound with her tongue and has been very impressed with her ability to do that. And then today, she started with the mamama, it requires a lot of concentration, and it is very adorable.

Honestly, even though she isn't using anything that resembles words, we've been saying for a while now that it seems like sometimes when she's crying, she's really just saying "HEY!" "HEY!" and trying in a very intentional way to get our attention.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015 - The Car Door Incident

I closed Micah's fingers in the car door on Sunday. Worst experience ever. We were going to see some music in a local park and it was popular so the 30 minute car ride took closer to an hour. Michael had gotten out and started walking with Penelope because she was crying, so Micah and I were getting out while we waited for them to catch up to us in the parking area. He got out of the car and just as I was closing the door, he rested his hand on the side of the car. I saw it but I couldn't stop in time and the door closed on his ring and pinkie fingers. In that split second, I was terrified that the door would be locked and immediately started fumbling for my keys while also reaching for the door handle. Thankfully it was unlocked. He was screaming instantly, said, "I pinched my fingers!!!" and I picked him up and hugged him and told him it was okay and checked his fingers. There was an indentation on each of them where the door had closed but I didn't have any idea how they were. I took him to the back of the car, opened the trunk, sat him on the edge and got ice from the cooler and immediately put it on his fingers. I could see at that point that his fingers were okay, but he was still very upset and so was I. Michael got there not long after and I handed Micah to him and took Penelope so that I could turn around and cry just a little bit. Once we got ourselves together, I asked Micah if he wanted a band-aid and he said yes. He calmed down, the band-aid made everything better as far as he was concerned, and within a half hour he was running, throwing a ball around with Michael, and climbing on a play structure. It never did swell up and I don't think there's even a bruise. It really was awful though and it's still upsetting to think about it.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015 - Catching Up

So much has happened since the last time I wrote...

We all went camping for the first time. Micah has never been camping before and Penelope obviously hasn't either. It was a blast and it was easy. We rented a cabin near a state park and brought SO MUCH gear! A whole group of our friends went too and we sat around their campsite most of the time, stayed up late around their campfire. Micah fell asleep on my lap the second night, sitting by the fire, and it was pretty wonderful. He was so asleep that we put him in the car, drove him back to our cabin, put him in our bed, changed him into his diaper, and when he woke up in the morning, he sat straight up in bed, looked around the room, and said, "How did I get here?" Penelope was a dream, she napped in her car seat everywhere we went which allowed us some enjoyable baby free time, she happily was passed from person to person when she was awake, she slept as well as ever (not well) at night. We found a nice little beachy area on a small river nearby and spent several hours there both Saturday and Sunday. Micah happily played in the sand and the shallow part of the water, we swam, we watch kayakers bringing their boats in, we had shade (it was a very hot weekend). We had such a wonderful time.

One other story related to Micah... We had a strange morning yesterday. I had a meeting at a physician office that started about a half hour after I usually start work, so I left a little later than usual. At 7am, I was feeding Penelope and heard Micah looking for me. He came in and sat with me while I fed her and asked if he could come downstairs with me. I told him he could but that I was leaving for work and he would have to play around until his Dada came down. He asked if I could just finish reading Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator first. I said no, we had too much left in that book. He suggested I could read it "really quick." I said I didn't have time but that we could read it that night. I got him dressed, brushed his teeth, and brought him downstairs with me. He asked if I could just play with him really quick. I said I didn't have time. He asked if he could go to work with me. I said no and that he was going to go to Erin's house today. He asked if I was going to bring him there and I said no, I had to leave now and it was too early to go to Erin's house. He pitched a fit, he wanted me to bring him and not Michael. I told him I was sorry and that I had to leave, I went out to the car and locked the front door behind me. He stood at the door with his face pressed against the glass just completely breaking down crying. I went back to the house, opened the door, sat on the step with him in my lap and told him I loved him and I was sorry but I really had to go to work. He just was so sad. After a minute, I put him back down, locked the front door and got in the car. I paused as I was driving by to wave to him and he was just crying and crying, it was so sad. We haven't done that before and I hope we don't do it again!

An update on Penelope... She is sort of getting better at sleeping at night. Two nights ago she woke up at 11 and I let her cry, 1am to eat, 3am to eat, 4am and I let her cry, and also at 5:30am to eat. Ugh. Last night she went to bed at 7pm and then woke up to eat at midnight and 2am and then slept until 6am. I can handle that! I've discovered she sleeps much better on her stomach so I just put her down that way now and I think it's kind of a cue to her that she's going to sleep and that I'm not going to come back and pick her up. She's been doing pretty good with napping too. On the days that I'm home it seems like she's good for a nap at 9am and 2pm and that schedule works well because museums and stuff aren't open until 10am so we are able to get to places early enough after her first nap, and then Micah naps at 2pm so I get a little kid-free time in the afternoon.

We've had a couple hot weeks now and have spent a few nights at the public pool. Micah and Penelope both love it. Penelope is surprisingly happy in the water, very different from Micah as a baby. Micah is now learning to hold his breath and is motivated to try to learn to swim because he watches Cece at the pool. It's such a nice way to spend a warm night!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015 - Milestones

On Saturday, we went to the Butler County Fair and Micah rode his first roller coaster. He LOVED it! First, we rode a very small roller coaster together, it was obviously for little kids, but it had a pretty nice dip and we had a great time. He was BEAMING the whole way through. I would say we did six or so laps around the little track, he waved to his dad like a maniac every time he saw him, he was just about as happy as you can imagine a kid ever being. After that, and a ride on the Ferris Wheel, we rode a roller coaster that was quite a bit bigger and seemed like it would be even better. It actually wasn't, the little one had a much better drop for some reason, but on the big one, Micah got so excited that he threw his hands up in the air on the downhill, unprompted. It was so adorable and so wonderful to be able to share that experience with him. 

In other news, I am initiating a new phase in Penelope's sleep habits. I came down with a bad cold this weekend and have been exhausted all weekend. Last night, I decided to go to bed at 8pm to take advantage of Penelope's longest segment of sleep. Of course, she woke up at 9pm, 10pm, and then again at 10:10, 10:20, and 10:38, always needing me to put the pacifier back in her mouth. I decided that it's time for her to learn to either sleep without it or to suck her own fingers or thumb. At 10:38, I went in, pulled the pacifier out of her field of vision so that she wouldn't be struggling to get it, and then told her she was okay, and went back to bed. She cried for about 30 minutes and then slept until 1:30am when I woke up in a puddle of milk after not having fed her since 7:30pm. She woke up again at 3:30 and ate. Then she woke up crying at 5. I have instituted some scheduling around breastfeeding at night right now, if nothing else just to keep myself sane. I won't feed her before midnight, and I won't feed her more frequently than every two hours after that, she doesn't need it and she's just looking for the comfort, not the nourishment. I went into her room, told her she was okay, and went back to bed. She cried again for about 30 minutes. I got up at 6am, showered, put my things together for work, she woke up at 6:30am in a fantastic mood. When I went into her room, she was smiling and holding her blanket in her hand. I know it doesn't sound like a restful night, and I can explain it, but I feel like I got the best sleep in a long time. I think just being able to lay in bed is restful in itself, even if I'm not sleeping. In any case, I think we have better nights of sleep ahead!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015 - A Lot of Things

After Michael explained how firefighters use a wrench to open the valve on a hydrant, Micah said, "Wow, I guess there is a lot of things to learn in this whole city." 

Michael promised to teach him everything, one at a time, on a need to know basis.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015 - Growing Up

Penelope has changed literally overnight. On Sunday, she started chatting. She suddenly was making a whole variety of different sounds, clearly directing them at me, waiting for eye contact and then "talking," all things she hadn't done before. The same day, I laid her down in the bassinet so that I could do a couple things and she started crying. Michael picked her up and for one of the first times was unable to console her, she was watching me and wanted me to hold her. As soon as I finished what I was doing and picked her up, she quieted down. The next morning, Monday, she did the same thing for Micah. She was laying in bed with Michael, started crying and watching Micah, and when he climbed into bed, she quieted down and snuggled with him. Penelope has an opinion for the first time.

On Monday, I decided she wasn't sleeping well in the carrier anymore and that I was going to try to get her to sleep in the bassinet. I put her down for her nap, she cried, I went back after five minutes, put my hands on her cheeks and my forehead against hers, told her she was okay, and she calmed down. I put the pacifier in her mouth and walked away. She cried for three more minutes before falling asleep for a half hour. That is the first time that she has ever been calmed just by seeing me. I think the reason we haven't had any success with the "cry it out" method is because when I've gone in to check on her, she doesn't feel any better knowing I'm there, she only wants to be held. It seems to me that this shift is directly connected to her chatting and calling out to me or Micah that started within the previous 24 hours. 

She took two solo naps on Monday and at bedtime, I started a bedtime routine and put her down in the co-sleeper alone. She cried for an hour total and then slept for half an hour. Last night, I put her down and she cried for a half hour total, and then slept for two hours. After that, I fed her and put her back in the co-sleeper and she slept for another two hours.

Every day we move away from her infancy is a little sad, but it's also so incredible to see these "firsts." She is actually changing on a day by day basis in such tangible ways!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 - Ahhhh Sleep

Penelope seems to have turned a corner on sleeping alone. On Sunday (yard sale day), she took an hour long nap in her bassinet. Alone! That night, she went to sleep for the evening again in her bassinet. When Michael brought her upstairs at midnight, I fed her and put her in the co-sleeper next to the bed. She slept for THREE hours there!

Monday night? Same deal. She slept in the co-sleeper all night, waking up to eat after five and then three and then two hours of sleep and then going back to sleep for several hours after I fed her before leaving for work in the morning!

Last night not so much. She insisted on being in bed with me, at times insisted on sleeping with my boob in her mouth, and woke up every hour or hour and a half.

But still. There. Is. Hope. And after a couple nights without her, it was actually nice to snuggle with her. This morning, I started edging away from her around 5:30am in anticipation of getting up for work at 5:45. When I pulled away, she scooted a little closer to get back in contact with me. It melted my heart. I seriously love this baby.

Sunday, May 31, 2015 - The Second Child

Sometimes I feel really bad for all the ways Penelope seems to get the shaft due to being the second child. But really, she was just born into a completely different world than Micah was. There are some things she doesn't get that Micah had. On the other hand, there are some things she does get that Micah didn't have. She has a big brother, she has a playmate, she has another young person in her life to show her the ropes in a way adults never could.

And unfortunately, because we're chasing a three year old while also caring for a newborn and trying not to hate each other and ourselves for all the sacrifices we're making, Penelope's life does not have as much documentation as Micah's early life did. But I think that in part that's because when we have the time, we would rather spend it looking at her and nuzzling her and savoring our time with her during each of her incredible stages, instead of disconnecting to take photos and notes.

And I think that's okay. The second child doesn't have it better or worse, it's just different and just as with the first child, parents spend their time trying to give their second child the best life possible and it looks a little different than it did for the first one.

Friday, May 29, 2015 - Micah's Eyes

Micah closed his eyes and asked me what color his eyes are today while we were out at breakfast. I asked if it was a guessing game and told him they were brown.

He said, "No, the back of my eyes, here." (His eyelid) I told him they were skin color.

He was kind of sad, "But that lady's are blue."

Poor kid thought that woman really lucked out getting blue eyelids and his were just boring skin color. I promised we would put eyeshadow on for him later.

Friday, May 8, 2015 - Pre-Mother's Day

This morning, Micah told me that I look like a princess. I have to admit that after having a baby, I feel kinda fat. Everyone does, right? Today, because I had to go to work, I am wearing dress pants that are about one size too small for my current waistline and a button-up shirt that is tucked in, creating a bulge precisely in the region I am self-conscious of. But Micah thinks I look like a princess. What a nice way to start the day. Even if the only reason is because I have a fancy necklace on. :)

Wednesday, April 29, 2015 - Back to Work

Going back to work was not so bad this time. I attribute that to the fact that I have a job I enjoy and I only work three days a week. Despite that, it was definitely sad to say goodbye this morning. I kissed Penelope's warm fuzzy head and took note of how lucky I've been so spend so much time with her these last three months. Some of the things I have come to love about her are her dark grey eyes with one streak of brown in her right eye, that she holds onto the neckline of my shirt while she nurses, the way she tucks her hands under my arms when she's sleeping in the moby wrap, the warmth and softness of the top of her head when I kiss it while she's in the carrier, her still rather formless smiles first thing in the morning after she has eaten, the way she lays on the play mat and bats at the hanging toys until she is able to grab them, and lastly, I love her little thighs, maybe mostly because they are usually hidden beneath her diaper and when I go to do a diaper change I'm always overtaken by how adorable those thighs are!

I would also like to take a moment to mention how wonderful Micah has been. He's definitely demanding of our time and has had his moments of frustration since Penelope was born, but his frustration is never ever directed at Penelope which I find really stunning. Micah has been doing a ton of artwork lately, is constantly making "books" in which he draws a bunch of pictures and requires that I write whatever words I want. His people all have two legs with arms that come out of them, sometimes they have bent elbows, the other day he drew a picture of himself with five fingers on each hand, people also always have ears, sometimes eyebrows, sometimes noses, and boys all have curly hair while girls have straight hair, he believes this is the basic difference between boys and girls.

Monday, March 30, 2015 - Joy

I cannot even explain how much I have been enjoying Micah lately. We have been having a great time together coloring, talking, playing, holding hands, snuggling at bed time. He's a pain in the butt half the time, but still I can't get enough.

One adorable thing I've been thinking about is how generous he is. He will always give me the last bite of his snack or dessert regardless of how much he enjoys it. He offered me one of only two thin mint cookies I gave him after dinner last night. Of course, I had already eaten at least six myself and I declined his offer.

Here are some of the things I'm loving right now... Every night he tells me he loves me and to have sweet dreams. On Saturday afternoon I took a nap when he did but I stayed in bed after he was done napping, he came in my room and I helped him put on his pants and underwear and take off his diaper, then I told him that Dada was downstairs and I was going to sleep some more, he quietly left the room and closed the door but then peeked his head back in to tell me to have sweet dreams. He asked me yesterday if he understood correctly that little kids turn into big kids, big kids turn into grownups, and grownups turn into giants. He is a surprisingly good artist. He makes adorable A's which are right angles with a diagonal line connecting the two legs. He can write almost every letter of the alphabet, he can spell his own name, and he almost never writes letters sequentially when you tell him how something is spelled. He wants me to carry him everywhere we go, yes, I love that. He recently found a kids show, Peep and the big wide world, that he laughs out loud at. He completely loves his sister and has no jealousy whatsoever.

I am so lucky.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 - So many tears

What a night! Penelope has been fussy all afternoon, basically just eating and crying. I'm really not sure what's going on. It was a beautiful afternoon though so when it was time to pick Micah up, we all drove up to the resevoir to walk a little bit. She was pretty good though still not really satisfied. In any case, it was a nice evening.

When we got home, Micah stayed outside for a while with Michael, he rode his bike around the block, played in the front yard, had a good time. He came in and watched a bit of tv after a while and when it came time to feed him dinner, shit hit the fan. He just broke down all of a sudden, nothing but crying. He didn't want to pick something to eat. After he did pick something, he didn't want to eat his food, he wanted glass after glass of orange juice, he complained that he was tired (it was after his bedtime and we were just trying to get some food in him before bringing him up). We finally settled on getting him some yogurt with protein powder just to give him something to tide him over until morning. He had already had some pretzels and some nuts earlier so he probably wasn't terribly hungry. When I got him upstairs for bed, he was crying because he didn't want to use the toilet, he didn't want to brush his teeth, the washcloth was too hot for washing his face, he was tired and wanted to go to bed, he was cold with his clothes off, I was being too rough as I speedily undressed him, he needed a tissue to blow his nose while he was laying on the floor naked and I was trying to get his diaper on him, it just didn't end. He finally settled down when we started to read Frog and Toad, and then we snuggled for a little while before I hurried downstairs to help with Penelope who was screaming her fool head off.

It seems like she's feeling lazy about eating lately, it's like she really really wants to eat but just can't latch, which is nonsense because she can definitely latch with no problem when she just calms down. I got her to eat and she lazily suckled for a full 30 minutes but I couldn't tell if she was really getting anything, sh she seemed like she was sucking only hard enough to keep my nipple in her mouth but not really to get anything out of it. Then she was quiet for a little while while she looked around the room, and then she went into screaming mode again. She calmed down when Michael put her in the carrier and bounced her a bit, but good lord was this a rough night! Hopefully the overnight will be better!

Monday, March 23, 2015 - Sleepless

Last night was a rough one. I went to bed around 10pm, Penelope wanted to eat at 10:15, and then I had to go in to Micah's room to stop him from crying 8 times between 10:30 and 11. The first two times I don't think he was really awake, the third time he said his leg hurt, then he said he had a bad dream so we talked about some good dreams he could think about, then he said his ear hurt. I ended up giving him Tylenol and at one point he said he heard a crack and it didn't hurt anymore but he still woke up crying several more times and Michael ended up sleeping in his bed with him for a while. On top of that, Michael handed Penelope off to me at 11:15 and she stayed up until 3am. First, Michael went in with Micah and slept in his bed while I cared for Penelope. Then he came back to bed and I kept trying to get her to sleep. Around 2am I handed her off out of frustration. Finally at 3am she was ready to eat and go to sleep. I hope we don't get many more nights like that.

It did inspire me to read and think about my plans for implementing some good sleep habits for Penelope though so I'm starting to get that going. Micah was 5 months old before he was sleeping in his own bed so I think it'll be a little while before we're ready with her. But it's good to have it in mind so that when the time comes we're able to recognize it and act on it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015 - Happy Birthday to Me

Penelope cried the whole way home from preschool today. Not a huge surprise, my babies hate car seats. What was a surprise was the adorableness that followed. Micah started singing a song to her in the backseat: It's okay Penelope. You're okay. It's okay that you're crying. I know you're sad. You're okay. We love you Penelope. It's okay to be crying.

I've never enjoyed the sound of a crying baby so much before.

Saturday, February 7, 2015 - The Story of Our Family of Four

On Friday night, January 30th, I was watching a movie with Micah when I noticed that I was having subtle contractions every 4-5 minutes. My first ever Braxton Hicks contractions. When I got up and moved around, they went away.

On Monday night, February 2nd, Micah was refusing to go to bed and going back and forth about it with Michael, so I picked him up, threw him over my shoulder, and brought him upstairs. I don't necessarily think that particular incident is relevent, but I had some more menstrual cramp type contractions after that. They seemed to go away also and we went to bed.

At 2:30am, Micah woke up crying and I went into his room to give him a kiss. I noticed then that I was having more contractions. I got back to sleep, a bit restlessly, and woke up at 4:30 with stronger contractions. They seemed to be just a few minutes apart but still very manageable although too strong to sleep with. I woke Michael up, told him I thought I was having contractions and went to take a shower and see if they went away. Just a minute into the shower, it was clear that they were not going to go away, so I kept it short and got out to get ready. I told Michael and we agreed to start getting things together, but weren't ready to leave yet.

I had been told to wait for the first "painful" contraction before coming in but that's a really hard distinction to make. We waited until around 5:45 to call Erin, the babysitter, to ask if she would come to the house until Micah woke up. She suggested bringing him there since she would have to wake him up by 7 to bring him to her house when the other kids she sits for start arriving. Micahel went upstairs to wake Micah while I called the Midwife Center.

The Midwife on call said they had just had three births and would need 30-45 minutes to clean a room. She suggested it still sounded a little early but to go ahead and come in. At this point I was having fairly painful contractions, I could still function and talk during them, but they required some breathing to get through and definitely paused whatever I was doing a bit. Michael got Micah dressed but left him laying in bed while he brought our bags to the car and went out to warm it up (it was 8 degrees outside).

I went upstairs to tell Micah what was going on. I said, "Do you know what's going on?" He said, "No." I said, "The baby says it's time to come out." He immediately put his hand to my belly to touch it. I told him that he was going to go to Erin's house and he started to break down crying. "No I don't want to go to Erin's house, I want to go with you to help the baby come out!" He ended up agreeing and went to the sitter very heavily packed. He had his normal diaper bag, the overnight bag we had packed for labor (not actually needed as it turns out), and he also brought two stuffed animals that he likes to sleep with. He was so good. When we got there, Michael brought his things in and I got out of the car to give him a kiss and a hug and tell him I love him.

At this point, 6am, the most comfortable way to weather the contractions was to pace, so I was outside, with an unzipped jacket, in 8 degree weather, pacing the middle of the street while Micahel brought Micah in to the sitter for the day.

We got to the Midwife Center around 6:30, the room I had hoped to birth in was the one that was available and it was almost clean. The nurse was just making the bed. I don't know when the shift happened, but at this point, my contractions were getting hard to bear. I rested my hands on the bed, leaned over, breathing and moaning to manage the pain while they finished getting the room ready. Michael parked the car and I got changed into a dress for labor. The nurse came over with a dopplar to find the best position to listen to the baby's heart while the midwife got ready to examine me after my next contraction was over. I had to crawl into the bed and lay down to be examined (changing positions is of course not something I wanted to do because I am apparently the most disagreeable laboring woman). The midwife was checking to feel for the baby's head when my water broke like a dam exploding.

At that point, I was already fully dialated. She told me there was a lot of meconium. She said they would have to transfer me to the hospital unless I have this baby right now and that I had to start pushing with my next contraction. Of couse, being disagreeable, this seemed insane to me since my body wasn't ready to push. Of course, she insisted. So I tried to push with every contraction even though it didn't feel like it was doing any good. They were so supportive, telling me, very sincerely that I was going a great job. They made me do all sorts of things I didn't want to do, holding onto my knees to crunch down when I was pushing for example.

Then they listened to the baby's heartrate while I was pushing and it dropped to around 50 beats per minute. Very bad. They put an oxygen mask on me immediately. They had me turn onto my side for the next contraction and it came right back. But that kind of elevated the whole thing to a new level. At this point I had two nurses and two midwives in the room. One of the midwives had a machine prepped to suction out the baby's lungs if needed. This is of course a place where theoretically you would expect to labor with very little intervention and support would take the form of guidance rather than assistance.

Everyone was conferring with each other. I asked that they just tell me what they were talking about (which of course they were telling me everything that was going on), but they were debating on how long to let me labor before transferring me to the hospital and I think they were just trying to come to some consensus. I think they let me push through a couple contractions after the heart rate was back up but then they decided to call 911 and get me to the hospital. I said (of course) that I did not want to get into an ambulance at this point. I asked if I had the baby before the ambulance came, could we stay and the answer was yes. On the next contraction, I felt the burning that told me she was close.

Penelope came out literally moments before the paramedics walked into the room. 7:25am. She came out pink and screaming and covered in poop. I did not care, it was so nice to have her on my chest, the umbilical cord still draped from between my legs. They cleaned her off, suctioned out her nose and mouth with a little bulb suction, they let the cord finish pulsing before they cut it. It was a vividly different experience than the hospital experience I had loved so much when I had Micah.

I had no tearing. I felt great almost as soon as she was out. I was able to just walk into the shower to rinse off while Michael held the baby skin to skin under his shirt. The nurse cooked us breakfast in bed. Scrambled eggs with earth balance margarine for me, an omlette for Michael, english muffins. Since we were the last of four babies born that night, the nurse asked if it was okay for us to stay a little longer than usual. We left 8 hours after she was born, twice the minimum length you have to stay. We got home before Micah was back from the sitter. Almost before Michael's mom had even gotten here from NJ.

It's amazing how quickly everything is changing day to day. The first night, we spent a lot of time pacing with her while she cried. It seemed like she was just so hungry and not getting enough milk. The pediatrician reassured us the next day that she was doing great, had only lost a few ounces from her birth weight, had had two dirty diapers already and was wetting diapers as well which is an indication that she's getting plenty. On the second night, she wanted to nurse every single hour, but she went right to sleep afterward, the third night, she nursed every two hours. Last night I went to bed at 10pm after nursing her and handing her over to Michael. He brought her up when she demanded milk at 11 and again at 12. Then he got in bed and I took over for the night. She woke up at 3:30am and then at 7am. It was a great night.

And of course, the other component of the story is Micah. I don't think he even really saw her the first day, but I brought her down to spend time with him on day two and he has been just completely in love with her. Immediately he wanted to show her his toys, he suggested that he thought she wanted me to put her down on the ground so that he could show her some toys. He kisses her constantly when she is within reach (unfortunate since he's got a rough cold going on right now). He talks about the things he's going to teach her, asks if she can talk yet, if she can crawl yet, wants to read books to her.

Yesterday, Friday, I enjoyed spending some time with him and her both. I put Micah down for a nap while Michael held the baby. I got him after his nap and we sat on the sofa eating a snack and watching tv while I held the baby and had my other arm around him. This morning, all four of us snuggled in bed together for a while. I think this is all going to work out.

Monday, February 2, 2015

As we await the newest member of the family, I am feeling guilty for letting this blog go for so long. Micah is just incredible and I should be doing so much more documentation of that.

Last night we went to a superbowl party at a friend's house. I gave Micah a reusable shopping bag and asked him to pack some toys but warned him not to pack anything too small for Baby Ryan, our friends' 8 month old. He listed off all the things he couldn't bring because they were too small, brought a whole slew of kitchen toys and farm animal toys, a couple books, and then picked out a couple things that he thought Baby Ryan might like to play with.

On the way home, it was way past his bedtime but he was chit chatting the whole way as usual (the kid is so stimulated by being in the car!). When we came out of the tunnel and into downtown, I directed his attention to the "big city." He talked the rest of the way home about how much he loves "Picksburg."

Micah: Is this all of Picksburg?
Mama: Yep, this is Pittsburgh.
Micah: "I love all the lights. And I love the people's decorations in their houses. And I love the people's decorations outside their houses. And I love those!"
Mama: That's the baseball stadium.
Micah: I love baseball. I love Picksburg. I love it in Picksburg. Picksburg makes me happy. Are you happy mama?
Mama: Yep, I'm happy.
Micah: Are you happy dada?
Dada: I'm happy.
Micah: I'm smiling because I'm happy. Are you smiling too mama?
Mama: I'm smiling too.
Micah: Are you smiling too dada?
Dada: I'm smiling.

Another cute interaction was the other night when I was putting him to bed. He had been kind of a pain all day but we read a couple stories and I agreed to snuggle with him in bed. For some reason, I decided to talk a little with him about what would happen when I go into labor. Here's a rough replay of the conversation:

Mama: When it's time for the baby to come out, you might go stay with Erin or with Andrew and Emily or with some other friends.
Micah: When is it going to be time for the baby to come out?
Mama: When she says it's time.
Micah: How is the baby going to tell us it's time to come out?
Mama: I'll have a tummy ache and then I'll know that it's time.
Micah: How are you going to get your belly button back?
Mama: Once the baby is out, my tummy will get smaller again and my belly button will just go back to normal.
Micah: How does the baby have a straw in its belly button?
Mama: Well, the baby gets all it's food and drinks from a straw to its belly button, but once it comes out, it won't need the straw anymore so the straw will get cut.
Micah: Why?
Mama: Because the baby will eat with her mouth then.
Micah: Why do you have a red thing on your tummy?
Mama: Because my skin was sick and so they had to cut part of my skin off and it didn't heal very well.
Micah: What is heal?
Mama: It means the skin fixing itself.
Micah: How does it heal?
Mama: It makes a scab and underneath the scab, the skin fixes itself, and the scab falls off when the skin is better.
Micah: Why didn't it heal?
Mama: I don't know, it just didn't.

We have also already had conversations about HOW the baby is going to come out, which I compared to pooping.

And here's one last hilarious tidbit from a week or so ago when we were in the car together:

Micah: UGH! That smell! Like poop!
Me: I'm sorry, I farted.
Micah: I don't like that smell! You need to go potty when we get to the mall!
Micah: Why are you laughing?
Mama: Because it's funny!
Micah: It's not funny! It's rude.