My sorrow at Micah being in kindergarten completely blindsided me. I thought it was awesome that he was going to be in kindergarten, I thought he was ready to be learning more, he was ready to be socializing more, he was ready to have more structured school time in his week, and I think I was right. But I was so not ready.
We had a kindergarten assessment last Tuesday which had only been "scheduled" two weeks earlier. By scheduled, I mean they assigned me a random half hour time slot in the middle of the work day. When we arrived, I learned that I wasn't allowed to be in the room when he went through his assessment. This was fine, but when it was over and I asked if there was anything we should be working on at home, the teacher told me no and that they just do these assessments at the beginning and end of the year to gauge learning. Awesome, but I'm a parent who wants to be working on learning with my kid, I'm sure you could give me something to start with!
As of last Wednesday, I still had not received any consistent information on when school would be starting on Thursday. The website says 9:15, but the school says that kids can be dropped no earlier than 8:30 and that the doors open at 8:40. That seems like an awfully long time for kids to be standing around. As it turns out, they have a morning assembly with drums and general announcements that begins at 8:50 or so. I found out in a letter they handed out after that assembly on Thursday. Really helpful. One of our neighbors did warn me that the school is exceptionally bad with communication. It seems like you should prioritize this kind of information for nervous kindergarten parents, though!
On Thursday morning, I went with Micah to school. There were people directing kindergartners and their parents on where to sit in the auditorium and after the morning assembly, the parents went with the kids to their classrooms. There was one little boy in Micah's class whose parents weren't there with him and he was just sobbing and I almost lost it, but in the end I didn't cry. It was really hard to leave Micah there.
I know he'll do well, but it's hard to let go of this much control over his life, and it's hard to let go of his early childhood. I am mourning our ability to head to a museum on a Monday or Friday when no one else is there. I am mourning the time he will no longer spend with Cece, his very best friend. I am mourning the loss of my little baby.
But I'm also adjusting to the idea of having a big kid. I'm looking forward to learning together. I'm looking forward to working on homework together. I am looking forward to all the new friends and new experiences that will come from this period in his life. And I'm horrified. I think that it's okay to be in both of those places at once.
