Growing up.

We had a great (short) weekend with Aunt Karen and Uncle Bob this weekend! Micah slept the whole way there in the car which is a first, and when he woke up, he wasn't even screaming. We played a bunch of bridge, watched playoff football, and Micah slept for four hours at a stretch on one occasion overnight. It's really incredible how quickly he's becoming a little boy. When he starts to cry, you can actually cheer him up by talking to him cheerfully. He sits quietly in the car seat now and just checks out his surroundings. He's been sucking his thumb lately and much less interested in the monkey pacifier. Tomorrow he has a pediatrician appointment, and I think he weighs around 15 pounds already. I'm trying to just enjoy the stage he's at and not miss the stuff that's passed too much or anticipate what's to come but it's hard. I can't believe how fast he's growing up! I'm going to miss the way he lays on his back and just flails his arms and legs when you put him down to change his diaper. I'm going to miss how easily he's entertained by smiling at him, giving him raspberries, making kissing sounds, or showing him his reflection in the mirror. I'm also going to miss wearing him in the little Moby sling even though I think it's doing long term damage to my back and shoulders.

Back to the grind

It turns out writing every day is a pretty tough resolution to keep. Even right now, I'm wearing the baby in the Moby wrap (a lifesaver) while I type. My first full week back to work has been pretty rough. No one is particularly happy with the arrangement and no one is getting much sleep. Micah fusses about sleeping all night long and wakes up around 5am ready to share his toothless grin with me (which is adorable, but sooo early!). He basically refuses to sleep at all for Michael during the day so he's grouchy all day long. And when I finally get home around 6pm, I take over crabby baby duty, Michael is therefore on kitchen duty, and I spend over an hour trying to convince Micah to go to sleep around 7pm despite the fact that he's desperately tired.

Tonight I decided to revert to our old routine of letting him sleep his first shift or two in the Moby. I'm hoping that giving him some more contact time with Mommy will help him sleep better and get back to being a cheerful baby. It's just a shame because I wish I was home with the baby, Michael wishes I was home with the baby, and the baby wishes I was home with the baby. But it's just not possible. For the time being, I'm trying to enjoy my time with the baby and realize that this will pass before we know it. When he's 16, I'm sure we'll be wishing we could have these problems back.

Laughter

This deserved it's own post:

Micah laughed for the first time yesterday. I thought he had been laughing for a long time, but now I know I was wrong. This wasn't an open mouthed grin while cooing, he actually chuckled. I came home from work and we went to sit on the front porch because it was beautiful out. I had him on my lap facing me and I was talking to him and he just chuckled and then I laughed and then he laughed some more and it went on for a few seconds. Then a minute later, he did it again. We tried to get it on tape, but you know how that is. Once the camera was rolling, he was over it. What a wonderful sound though, I can't wait for more and more laughter!

Resolution Shmesolution

So much for writing everyday! There has to be a grace period on making resolutions part of the standard routine, right?

The first week back at work went well. Don't tell them I said this, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. I was working on a large document that had been created in my absence and was due to be completed this Friday, but was really not ready to be submitted. It was nice to feel appreciated, at least three people told me they were glad I was taking it over.

The only struggle is that Micah seems to be eating more from the bottle than he would if he was nursing and I'm having a hard time keeping up. I had Michael pick up some Fenugreek which is supposed to increase milk supply and I'm trying to play catch up over the weekend by pumping an extra ounce here and there. Hopefully my supply will increase in response to increased demand very soon!

Even though being back to work is really going well, it's really hard to be away from the baby all day. I miss him and I'm very jealous of Michael spending time with him all day long. Plus, it's clear already that Michael is a better caretaker than me. Well, I suppose that's not necessarily true. Micah and I mostly watched tv all day long, but in my defense, he has only recently become able to interact for an extended period of time so maybe if I was with him now, I'd be taking care of him differently too.

I'm hoping to talk to our CEO one day this week and see if it would be possible for me to work four days a week for a while. I'm not sure how that conversation will turn out. One of the other women in the office who just had a baby is doing it, but her job is very different from mine and I think it might be harder for me to step out of the meetings and trainings for a day every week. But I figure that with not traveling, my role is changing right now anyway, so I have the opportunity to really redefine what I do and how I work. Wish me luck!

The end of the beginning

Tomorrow is back to work. Luckily my husband was wise enough to suggest I work only half days during the first week back, so that is what I'm doing. I'm not really nervous to go to work or even sad to go to work, but I am sad to lose all my baby time. In the past three months, I spent many nights sleeping with a sleeping baby on my chest all night long, then we moved on to sleeping next to a sleeping baby, I woke up every morning to a bright eyed and smiling morning baby, I walked to the little market around the corner with the baby in a homemade "Moby" wrap, same set up for walking the mile and a half to Target, walking through the park, eating out for breakfast, brunch, and dinner. I have learned to hold a baby while cooking, eating, feeding dogs, going to the bathroom (and washing my hands), wrapping Christmas presents, you name it. I will miss his warm little body in the wrap while he naps during the day, I will miss the way he stretches when he wakes up from a nap, I'll miss his pouty lower lip when he's about to scream. I know that I will have plenty more time with all these things, but I'll be sad to miss any of them at all.

I never thought in a million years that I would be one to want to stay home with the baby but sure enough, I am! I don't know what I would do with myself as a stay-at-home mom, especially right now when Micah isn't old enough to be really doing anything, but I sure wish I could do it.

Unfortunately, I can't. So I'm setting the alarm for 6:30. I will feed him before I go. And at 7:50 I will board the 87 to head downtown. Just for 4 1/2 hours. Hopefully someday, I'll find a way to stay home.

2012

I'm not sure how 2012 can beat 2011. I had my first child in 2011! Best year yet. One of my favorite experiences was introducing Michelangelo to all his new family. I'm so glad we got to share so much of his early life with our family and friends over the holidays. I have also loved the 3+ months I got to spend at home with him. There is nothing better than laying in bed in the morning and watching him just grin at me for half an hour before we get up and moving. I will miss that most when I go back to work on Tuesday. 

For 2012, I have three Resolutions:

1. Use people's names - I'm always afraid to do this because I'm afraid I'll get someone's name wrong and as a result I don't end up remembering anyone's name because I never use them.

2. Don't blame - I'm hoping this will help me to be more understanding, less angry, to harbor fewer hard feelings toward people, and in the end make both my work life and my personal life more enjoyable. 

3. Write every day - I want to remember my life better and I think the best way to do that is to write at least a few sentences every day. 

And so this blog has become my blog of 2012. Let's see how long it lasts!